Props to thegoodatheist.net for turning me on to this one…

Photo by *BGP*

These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2007 Release).

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus..’
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I Will Not Pass This Way Again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will
be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – Prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at
10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double
doors at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours’

Flickr attribution license: supershaggy

Christmas day was my birthday. 31 times has our planet we call Earth orbited around the star known as our sun since I was born.  I often muse about my place in the universe this way when the customs of the human condition recognize significance in some cosmic milestone. At first, this may seem a bleak and barren way to contemplate my role, leading to nihilism as I stare into the void of space. It may seem a poor starting point to examine my existence and what it all means.

And yet, it is not.

On the contrary, I have found this approach to be the most satisfying starting point for finding reason and purpose in my life. This perspective yields a bounty of surprises, expands my capacity for purpose, and sets me on a path to answer a question traditionally in the realm of religion; “Why am I here?”

I mentally zoom out further and our solar system becomes a spot within a galaxy. Our home swirls in slow motion along with a billion other star systems. Then our galaxy becomes one of many others, dark energy of which we know little accelerating them away from one another. Eventually all the protons, neutrons, and other components of matter within them will decay and the universe will be left as a highly dispersed pool of energy.

It is clear to me that to the universe, the question of purpose is meaningless. Chunks of rock collide, a star explodes, or a planet swirls into the gravitational vortex of its sun and is swallowed. We can ask how, what, when, and where of the universe….and find our own interesting answers. Can we ask the universe why, other than regressing into a causal chain of events where we seek to understand the first four? (Why? Because this happened first, causing this, etc.) In this sense why and how can be used interchangeably. This does not get at purpose.

A true “why” question requires an intelligent entity to consider it. This question is devoid of meaning in universal scope because no consciousness exists to consider it. Even if there were, would the answer be absolute and unchanging, or would multiple consciousnesses arrive at different answers? Would the answer for a single mind remain static over time, or could it change with its host mind?

I have found that purpose exists in two places.  First, it exists in the minds of those who have relationships with us.  For instance, your purpose as an infant only existed within the minds of your family and those who knew you.  As we develop, we gain our own sense of purpose.  And it changes…..constantly.  In the adolescent years, it may change from week to week within ourselves.  Those around us hold a sense of purpose from their perspective for us that is somewhat more consistent.

In the end, the purpose we find for ourselves is the one that really matters.  There is no need for absolutism, for an unchanging and externally imposed sense of purpose.  We are not merely cogs in a mechanism a designer created….our purpose exists independently and autonomously.

My purpose has morphed throughout the years.  Right now, some of the defining characteristics of my purpose include my role as a father and husband, brother and son.  In the main, it is a function of my relationships with others.  It also encompasses this blog, the post I am writing now, my efforts to give charity and enhance the standard of living in the third world, my professional career, and a myriad of other things too numerous to mention.

Thesis:  Purpose is derived and emergent, sourced from oneself.  It is not given, and it can not be bought nor sold.

Was that spiritual atheism?

This is an excellent point. All ideas should be given an equal chance, and the most compelling will win out. Note I said most compelling, not most truthful.

To me, the freedom of expression here is a non-issue. It is important that everyone else be given equal access.

A better question, in my opinion, is what are we doing to ensure our messages and ideas are just as compelling as the theist alternatives out there? As atheists, I believe we tend to fall back on the truth and facts as self-evident and expect our ideas to sell themselves. This belief is just as credulous as we view our theist brothers and sisters to be in their god worship.

The FFRF had every right to put a display up alongside the nativity scene in Washington. IMHO, they completely flubbed this opportunity by focusing on truth and facts instead of voicing a compelling message. If they had taken context into account, I believe they could have pointed out what’s wrong with displaying religious symbols with government support. They could have done it in such a way that believers and non-believers alike had a chance to see the REAL issue. They could have offered an alternative to the reasons people seek and hold to religion. Instead they attacked. They had every right and freedom to do so, I just feel it was bad for our cause.

What if they had put something like this on the placard instead?

Happy Holidays!

Government-sponsored religious symbolism is likely unconstitutional, but while The People allow such displays may all views be given equal access.

-may believers and non-believers find common ground
-may violence and hatred perish from the earth
-may you be happy and flourish
-may truth prevail in the hearts of all men and women

Happy Holidays!

“Christmas is my favorite time of the year, folks.  Second only to Shark Week, though I still dream of a day when they will combine the two.”

Kentucky, Washington, and religious/Christmas funny goodness. Colbert always has a way to state the facts in such an obvious way. The problem of evil and suffering is brought up. He even calls for god to be comprehensible.

Jewish Christmas - Flickr attribution: andydr

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we’re told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to “A great miracle happened there,” the message on the dreidel will be the more generic: “Miraculous stuff happens.” In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of “Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.”

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